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Content Warning ⚠️ discussion of suicide which may be disturbing to some readers. Please decide if it is safe for you to continue & contact lifeline or your local suicide hotline if you are struggling. There is a gun lying at the bottom of the bed as I write this. Sadness wells in my heart...

Death’s Playbook

It’s hard to fight against such a friendly foe, to ignore its whispering promises of a rest long awaited, a peace long forgotten when one is so desperately sought. The distorted images of a thousand yesterday’s and infinite tomorrow’s play over and over in a finally silent mind as the scratchy black and white film...

Saying Goodbye

My Dad died on the 28th of December 2020.A good 10 days after a middle aged doctor in situationally inappropriate bright red Christmas themed scrubs told us he’d had a massive hemorrhagic stroke and would pass away within 48hrs. He was a fighter, my Dad. After starting the year with a diagnosis of stage four...

Lovers, Not Fighters

Things have spiralled so quickly. There are a lot of wonderful, kind doctors and nurses in my world talking with each other at the moment and trying to make things happen quickly for me but they keep forgetting to tell me what their plans are and this week is turning into an uncontrollable trigger-fest. Thursday...

Dear Donna

Dear Donna, What a year, huh? I don’t think any of us expected it to go quite like this, or maybe deep down we did, we just tried really hard not to think about it for a long time. I know we never actually met each other, for all I know you may have never...

Death

I was listening to the lovely Jamoalki's latest podcast about his reactions and lack of reactions to the deaths of friends and family members and it got me thinking about my own tendency to not cry when someone passes away. Quick trigger warning here, death and suicide is discussed in detail. Both my grandfathers died...