Empty

I wanna see the blood running down my armsI wanna feel her poison drain awayI wanna plunge a knife deep into my shallow heart Swallow pills until I fade awayThere is a little girl, hiding in a corner.a broken soul,nobody wants her.Found a friend, that grew into a monster.There’s nowhere to runnow she’s gotcha.She’ll torture...

Labrador

The California skyline stretches out before me. It’s night time and the glow of lights, blinking from helicopter tails and city offices replaces the stars and illuminates my view. I watch in a trance like state as tiny cars pass through my bedroom along distant roads intertwining seamlessly between buildings and bridges. The world around...

Portraits

“There may be a great fire in our hearts, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passers-by see only a wisp of smoke.”Vincent VanGough Sometimes I feel lonely. Lonely in a crowded house, lonely in a crowded mind.When my soul is on fire, my heart is burning and my body...

Crumble

Nothing seems to matter anymore, all our words have gone to waste. I’m still chained up by our shadow’s law, still shackled by this face.As the walls around our prison crumble, and the outside world comes flooding in.hollow memories of voices rumble,cutting daggers through our skin. Kaleidoscope scenes haunt the weary eyes of revolutionaries on...

Sabotage My Soul

Everyone is waitingbut every day’s the same.Everyone’s debating, but the questions still remain.I cashed in my chips at the first sign of trouble, now I’m running out of room.I found my heart at the bottom of a bottle and then I broke that bottle in two.Will the earth keep on turning, long after we’re all...

You Are Bad.

I talk too much. Always have, and as I have been trying very hard to accept and be okay with in recent years, I always will.This has been one of the biggest causes of our internal conflict as someone living with DID. My alters struggle with my personality and the way it impacts them. I...

Bring it on, 2022.

Image by WordPress Okay, so I may be a touch pessimistic but I refuse to come here and say “next year can only get better” because I started saying that in 2015 after our suicide attempt then in 2016 I broke that mirror & Robin Williams died (for the 1000th time I’m sorry) and it...

Blank

Content Warning ⚠️ discussion of suicide which may be disturbing to some readers. Please decide if it is safe for you to continue & contact lifeline or your local suicide hotline if you are struggling. There is a gun lying at the bottom of the bed as I write this. Sadness wells in my heart...

Dear Lavender

Dear Lavender, I don’t remember our last conversation. When I left the office I was in the throws of mania, I’d lost all sense of self and reality and life had turned into a blurry upside down mess. When I think of you, I think of a small woman yet an absolute force of nature....

Deaths Landing

It’s a beautiful spring day and an unassuming 10m x 5m concrete pad sits quietly in an open space surrounded by green grass. This innocent slab of concrete has seen more than its share of carnage, loss, desperation and fear in its time, but it has also held in its grey speckled surface the power...